Where will this end up?

“I am so together.” That is the first lie that we want ourselves and others to believe about us. I can only speak for myself when I say that I am NOT together and I struggle with wanting to be completely organized and working within the perfect plan that I have laid out carefully in the pages of my planner. Each day a checklist is carefully planned and poorly executed with little arrows pointing to the task list on the next day and then sometimes, the next and the next.

I have finally reached an age in my life where I have to let go of the feeling of failure. My plans go awry. My closet is a mess. My bag collection is in disarray and not exactly what I want it to be. My house gets a clutter pile! I ruminate on how it got there and why. I search for a plan. A new strategy is set into motion and it must work, this time. Often it does, for a while anyway. Then it is on to the next plan and then the next and maybe, just maybe in all of this finding new ways, it is actually getting done. All of the ruminating and planning are the very things that are keeping some order in my life, because “I am so together”.

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